Livin’ in the NOW!!!
Posted on October 29, 2007 10 Comments
At some point this weekend, my tears of stress turned into beautiful tears of joy. Maybe it was seeing my parents, looking radiant, walking up the church aisle, so excited and full of joy and beauty and life. Maybe it was seeing my little brothers, the picture of absolute hope and friendship and support, tear up when Bob and Kim exchanged vows. But I think the turning point was really my mom’s quiet hug on Friday night, before rehearsal dinner, when she told me that everything was going to be OK and that she loved me no matter what.
I can’t quite explain my roller coaster of emotions over the past seven days leading up to my brother’s wedding. My best guess is that I was so stressed and upset about what might happen with my future, that I lost sight of the present moment.
On Friday night, a quote by Chris Karr (of “Crazy Sexy Cancer” fame) popped into my head. Chris has stage 4 cancer of the liver and the lungs. When she was asked how she gets through the day without succumbing to fear, she replied something like, “I just have to live in the moment. I can’t get too far ahead of myself. Right now, I’m chopping vegetables with you and we’re having fun.”
So I was walking around Oak Park today on a glorious day off and started to think about what’s going on in my life. Here are my thoughts:
- I have the greatest parents in the world (at least to me). They are supportive, loving, caring and they do everything with the singular goal of ensuring their four children are happy. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. They are healthy and they are involved and for that I am eternally grateful.
- I also have the greatest family ever. I have three brothers, more than 40 cousins, at least 14 aunts and uncles, and a large extended family of great aunts and uncles and second and third cousins. We are all great friends, most of us are based in the Chicagoland area and we see each other all the time. They love me no matter what, and more importantly, they’re all fun, wonderful people.
- I just gained a sister-in-law!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- I am healthy; in fact, I am quite possibly the fittest I’ve ever been.
- My job is cool, and I make a good wage and I have a nice boss.
- I have a retirement fund and a downpayment savings account that grow every day.
- I have a boyfriend of eight years that loves me more than anything in the world. He has been there for me when times have been rough, and we have always worked our problems out as a team. He’s going through a really, really hard time right now and is having trouble balancing his workload, his school, his relationship (moi) and his family. This is human, this is normal, and he needs support right now. Period.
- My apartment is just fine for me, and the location is awesome.
Based on this inventory, my life is going swimmingly well. So I need to stop stressing about what might or might not happen in the future! It’s out of my control, and it doesn’t affect my happiness today. Today, I am writing on my blog, eating Doritos. And as long as that’s enough for me today, that’s enough for me. Really and truly.
That said, it’s OK to make plans and have goals. But fretting about whether I will be married or have a house or have kids sometime within the next FIVE TO TEN YEARS is not helping me appreciate everything I have today. It’s actually like walking through life with blinders on. It tunes out all the beauty and love around me. I’m going to do everything I want to do; it will all happen for me. But in the meantime, I have to be OK with today, and really, I am. I like my apartment and my family and my friends and my pets and my Doritos. My life abounds with good things. It’s not about keeping up with anyone else. It’s about keeping up with me. And as long as I can do that, I am content.
I’ll put some pics up from the wedding as I get them. But until then, enjoy today!
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10 Responses to “Livin’ in the NOW!!!”
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October 29th, 2007 @ 10:13 pm
I am so glad that you are in a better place today. Sometimes we have to just sit back and inventory all of the many blessings and appreciate them even more. Cheers!
October 29th, 2007 @ 11:48 pm
i love you!:) (and the mass amounts of facial hair at that wedding! heehee!)
October 30th, 2007 @ 2:03 pm
Stopping to count your blessings can be a good reality check. There’s often a lot more good than we realise.
October 30th, 2007 @ 2:27 pm
I am so glad that you are feeling better and that you had a great weekend.
Thank you for the wonderful post and reminding us all that we need to appreciate today and all the blessings we already have. Thanks!
October 30th, 2007 @ 2:42 pm
I really needed to read this right now; thank you for sharing. I have been mega-stressing about my relationship as well. I know it’s useless, but I absolutely could not quell the anxiety that was literally churning and tingling in my stomach all night last night.
My BF is also going through a really hard time and struggling to balance his career, relationship, friends, and family. I don’t know if he’s just too busy for me right now, if he doesn’t realize he’s neglecting me, or if his feelings for me are waning.
But the truth is that it doesn’t matter which one of the above is real–me crying and stressing are not going to change anything. I too am trying not to live in the moment and resist the urge to project my whole life out over the next decade.
I have good health, plenty of savings, an amazing and large family, and a great job with lots of potential. I should be the happiest most care-free 20-something around!
October 30th, 2007 @ 2:43 pm
I meant I AM trying to live in the moment. Obviously.
October 30th, 2007 @ 4:35 pm
Someone once told me, “live for today; plan for tomorrow. Only worry about the things you can control and forget about the rest – they’ll only stress you out for no reward. Life gets in the way”.
It seems you’ve reached the same level of understanding. I hope so.
Life has a habit of throwing curve balls and interrupting what we thought were our plans. I have one friend who was happily living his life to a master plan (school, work, marriage all on schedule) until one day his wife walked out on him. Eventually he realised that he’d been so wrapped up in “the plan” that he’d settled for the first girl who fitted it and not for someone who loved him for himself (and vice-versa).
- Pam
October 31st, 2007 @ 1:13 am
Jo said what I wanted to, better than I can. I’m glad you’re feeling better, and this post made me feel great–because it made me think about the things I have to be grateful for. Thank you.
October 31st, 2007 @ 5:38 pm
ya know, it’s sooo cool that we are in control of how we feel by choosing what we focus on and how we think. Your post is a fabulous example of how you are appreciating today the exact same things that were there last week, only last week you weren’t appreciating them. I’m so glad to see you back into your usual positive focus on life!
November 1st, 2007 @ 9:34 pm
Glad you’re feeling better!