Updo Don’ts

Posted on April 18, 2007 6 Comments

I have let the Paris Hiltons, Jessica Simpsons and Pussycat Dolls of the world get into (and onto) my head. Although I’d like to say that I pursue my own standard of beauty, I bit the bullet last week and bought synthetic, clip-in hair extensions for just more than $80.

I like to pride myself on the fact that I save money by doing my own hair, nails, make-up and waxing (eyebrows, people!) whenever I can. I spent a lot of time with a stylist cousin during my formative years, so I really like to study certain aspects of beauty. No joke. If you’ve read my page for a while, you know how ridiculously obsessed I am with my high-priced stylist and that I’ll save months for a good cut and style. I save hairstyles I like from my magazines, and I’m always on the hunt for new make-up tips.

But until now, I’ve never been one to make a change just because it looks “pretty.” Standardized US beauty is easy. Tan. Get blond highlights and grow your hair long. Buy a push-up bra. Wear lip gloss and heavy mascara. Get a good mani and pedi that brings out your tan. Whiten your teeth. Wear contacts. Wear one expensive accessory (sunglasses, purse, hot sexy shoes, jewelry). There is the formula. Use it at your own risk.

I recognized early on that tan doesn’t work for me. So I play up my pale skin. Blond (my natural color) isn’t fun when everyone else is wearing it. So I try different hair colors and cuts that work with the fashions of the season. (Now I’m dark brown and cropped.) I prefer glasses over contacts. I like a bright lip color. I’m not comfortable showing cleavage. You get the idea.

So imagine my surprise when I realized that I had a deep, burning desire for outlandishly long, fake hair! I’m not sure if my addiction to Search for the Next Pussycat Doll had anything to do with it, but I suddenly decided that I must have a chic ponytail in place for a wedding I was standing up to.

After consulting with my stylist, I discovered a cheap option to the permanent ones that I’d heard cost hundreds or thousands of dollars. I went to a store in Water Tower mall called SoHo and bought the “Allison” option, pleased that the salesgirl showed me how to clip it in. I played with it a bit in the mirror, ridiculously tickled at how fierce my phony pony looked and excited to shock my friends.

Of course, when I got to the actual wedding, I couldn’t style the extension myself, so I had to pay another $60 to have a stylist put it up at the salon where the bride was getting ready. And since it was Peoria, there was no ponytail, instead, it turned into a prom-looking mass of curls in the back of my head. Exactly the opposite of the chic, urban ponytail I was expecting. Oh, sure, it looked nice. But not $140 nice. For that, I should have had bobby pins made of gold in my head.

To top it off, when I got back to the hotel, Brian was totally freaked out by my hair. He refused to touch it and told me it looked “funny.” He continued to be “wigged out” for the remainder of the night. He’s not such a big fan of PCD, I guess.

The extension itself held up quite nicely, so I can use it again if I get the itch. My head did not fare so well. Three days after the wedding, I can still feel the dents in my scalp where the extensions were clipped in place.

I’m glad I got the extensions, because otherwise I’d still be wondering about the possibilities. But as with most crazy expensive products bought on a whim, I’d have been better off without them. At least now I know.

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