Is Dating a Younger Man for You, Liberated Woman?
Posted on September 17, 2006 13 Comments
A lot of my friends are dating younger men. It’s a trend that’s picking up steam – think Demi, think Cameron, think urban cougars – and I couldn’t help but wonder why.
Common knowledge holds that women should date older men for a variety of reasons. Some I can recall include: women mature faster than men, women are genetically programmed look for someone who is a provider (hence, someone who’s had a little more time to build their nest egg), men are ready to ‘settle down’ at older ages than women (the old ‘sowing your wild oats’ theory) and men are more attracted to younger women because they’re supposedly more fertile.
Essentially, the argument boils down to this: women want to make babies and start a family sooner than men do. If that’s true, the odds seem to be against the younger man-older women couple.
But in today’s society, women can provide for themselves. Many of us have jobs to start, careers to manage in our 20′s. Women have the choice to start a family earlier or later in life. Not only is it more acceptable for women to hold off on childbirth until their 30′s, but adoption and fertility treatments provide ever evolving options for potential parents.
So now in our late 20′s, not one of my best friends has a child (even those who are married). Neither do most of my cousins in their late 20′s. Our mothers, aunts and family friends are getting nervous that we’ll never have children. To them I say, it’s not that we don’t want to have kids ever, it’s just not for us right now.
Have we turned into a generation of women who think like guys?
My friends have much more practical reasons (aside from the baby dilemma) for dating younger guys. In fact, they will probably laugh their asses off when they read this post. Younger guys, they say, are simply more fun. My girls don’t have to worry about who they should be or how they should act around their younger boyfriends and husbands; they feel they’re free to be themselves. (And no, they didn’t feel that way dating older guys.) They like being the more experienced dater in the relationship.
The guys, for their part, seem to love dating older women. They don’t have to worry about their girlfriends’ insecurities. My friends are old enough to know their own strengths and weaknesses, and are much less drama-inclined than they were at 21. They’re up for anything most days. One check with Brian confirmed: I’m a lot more confident and happier now than I was, emotional and insecure, at 21. (Actually, he said, “no comment.” To which I said, “point taken.”)
Aside from economics, an anthropologist would probably tell you there’s a biological basis for the younger man-older woman relationship. Women sexually peak around 30, men around 18. In pre-industrial societies, I bet the younger, studlier males were way more able to secure a fine piece of meat on a regular basis for the family’s dinner.
So if biology seems to indicate a happy match between older women and younger men might be possible (OK, that’s a big jump from the last paragraph but bear with me for argument’s sake), how did older men-younger women matches become the norm?
I won’t pretend to know the answer to that question. A combination of research in gender roles, societal pressures, politics, and economics probably holds the answer. But I will say that women, like the men of our fathers’ generation, seem to feel less pressure now to ‘settle down’ in their early 20′s because they’re more focused on building their own nest eggs and developing their careers. The fact that it’s now acceptable for women to date both older AND younger men shows progress, and the women of our generation – for all our worries and flaws – are loving it.
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13 Responses to “Is Dating a Younger Man for You, Liberated Woman?”
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September 18th, 2006 @ 2:43 am
I loved your post! The current guy I’m seeing and the last guy I was seeing span about a decade agewise, with me in the middle, and they each had their own pros and cons. I loved how fun and spontaneous the younger guy was, but middle of the night drunk booty-calls got kind of old. On the other side of things, getting taken out to a nice dinner and wine tastings are always enjoyable, but I kind of miss the randomness of the younger guy. I guess it depends on what you need at the time: when i dated the younger guy, I just wanted to have a good time; now I guess I want a little more substance to the relationship.
September 21st, 2006 @ 7:30 pm
I have GOT to share these points with a friend of mine. She just turned 30 and is dating a guy who is 25…
Although they have a GREAT time together she won’t give in to the fact that he might be great for her. She still passes him off as the “fling” and dates lame, older guys because they have the right “age” and “success rate.”
I totally agree with your points…I probably didn’t even think about applying it to myself until now, so thanks…it just expanded my circle of options!
October 5th, 2006 @ 11:21 am
Great post….
I have been dating a younger man for a year and a half. He is now 24 and I am 31. He is, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me in terms of love. I am single mom who got pregnant my senior yr. of college. I was single for over a year and was very cautious about dating as a single mom. When I met my boyfriend I had no idea he was so young, he looked at least 25 maybe 26
, but we had undeniable chemistry from the get go. We have common goals in life both short and long-term, we both love to workout, eat healthy and sometimes like crap, keep our physical apperance up, decorate our homes, spend time with family and relax with cocktails every so often.
If I had known he was only 22 when I met him, I would’ve walked and not looked back. In my mind that would never work as young guys are out for one thing.
As it was I entered the relationship seeing it as a “summer fling” or “play time”. With time it has progressed to a relationship that encompassed my best friend and the love of my life. We are committed to not allowing our age difference to be an obstacle in our future paths.
For all the older ladies out there, I say go for it. The most important thing in a relationship is chemistry not age…
October 6th, 2006 @ 9:54 pm
LOL…awesome post. I should consider dating older women. I did not knw that Chicago (my town too) is leading the chrage on this social phenomenon.
October 9th, 2006 @ 6:45 pm
Young lady, this “trend” you proclaim has been going on for thousands of years, but is more the exception than the rule. Hardly has it become the “norm” and shall never be. Why? Even though you “think” your child-bearing years have been magically extended due to some scientific break-through in fertility, biological sensibility keeps men from choosing you as the best mothers for their children… because no guy wants to fix his breakfast using OLD eggs!
October 20th, 2006 @ 5:47 pm
and don’t forget – now women also have the freedom to date.. other women
November 13th, 2006 @ 10:02 am
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September 9th, 2007 @ 9:35 pm
THANKS djaylene !!! I was having issues with the age thing also.I am 32 and dating a 22year old.Call me Mrs.Robinson Anyways it’s really not bad I am just trying to have fun and not think about it.He is great and a lot of fun surprisingly not too inmature. But the question always on my mind “will this really go somewhere?” I am not getting any younger.
December 22nd, 2007 @ 2:15 pm
I think that since more women are taking care of themselves the appeal of an older man who can take care of them is redundant and not really necessary. Especially since he is not as attractive as younger men (sorry but most women I know including myself feel this way)
And yeah I’m a 24-year-old woman but I’ll humbly agree that older women are just a better catch. Hands down. And they are so hot! My goodness, I guess it makes sense since they sexually peak at 30 that they would give off more sexual energy.
And of course we can’t forget the rising number of women who are wanting to take care of each other now too;)
December 22nd, 2007 @ 2:21 pm
Oh and I also want to mention that the last younger guy I dated was 19, he had his own company, he was making a lot of money and he was very devoted to me. If you take a peek at the 2007 FORBES Millionaire list, there is an entire section devoted to people under 25. I think women and younger men are giving older men a run for their money in the security department these days.
August 22nd, 2008 @ 8:48 pm
I am 40 and dating a beautiful 27 year old from the gym. I take it one day at a time. I think that even if you are with an older man it is no guarantee that they will be there for you in the longrun. I also believe that our days are numbered and we should grab all the happiness and love we can. If that love comes from someone younger so be it.
January 29th, 2010 @ 6:44 pm
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January 31st, 2010 @ 1:48 am
I think it's a positive progress for both men and women…
It's really more fairly when society allows to make the right choice from the wide range of variants.
So now women don't afraid to date with younger men – and men don't suffer from the prejudice of society (that that man should be older than woman).