Wedding spending limits
Posted on May 12, 2006 5 Comments
I think I’m destined to forever be the girl who’s simply living with her boyfriend. My mother practically disowned me for it (she kept shouting, “I DIDN’T RAISE YOU THIS WAY!” at me for like 3 months straight), it doesn’t fit in to business conversations and I frequently get that “I’m so sorry for you,” look from semi-strangers who I’ve just met.
Yet the living situation still works for me, so I just grin and bear the disapproval.
However, a whole slew of my best friends are currently engaged, and so is my younger brother. This article is for them, courtesy of The Chicago Tribune’s Janet Kidd Stewart, my new BFF (although she doesn’t know it).
VALUE JUDGMENTS
Stress of wedding costs eased by setting spending limits
By Janet Kidd Stewart
Chicago Tribune
(Get the entire article here.)
When Nilofar and Keith Compton were planning their wedding five years ago, they agreed on two things: Neither wanted to ask their parents to foot the bill, and neither wanted to saddle the new marriage with a mountain of debt.
“We knew from past experiences with friends getting married that whenever parents take care of the cost, there are issues,” said Nilofar, 34, who is from Iran, where the groom traditionally pays for the wedding. “I could just see the tension.”
So like more American couples today, the Comptons opted to take care of the financial end of the wedding themselves.
Neither set of parents complained or felt left out, Nilofar said, because one set lives in the United States, the other in Iran, and the couple married in Austria, where they were living at the time.
With parental control issues out of the way, the couple splurged on what was important to them — a dinner reception for 70 guests at a hotel in the Alps — and economized where they could, such as Nilofar’s wedding gown, a $5,000 dress that she rented for $500.
In all, the affair cost about $12,000, far less than what some couples today spend, and the Comptons, now living in Silver Spring, Md., remember the occasion as a fairytale wedding.
“The brides I work with are typically [in their] late 20s to early 30s, and they’re already starting to look at issues like retirement and health-care costs,” said Elaine Parker, a Nashville wedding planner who the Comptons met through business contacts of Keith’s and consulted for their event.
But while some couples take a sober look at wedding costs and factor them into their overall financial plan, most do not, financial planners and wedding consultants said.
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May 12th, 2006 @ 9:46 pm
I hate those strangers’ sympathy looks! Even in San Francisco where alternative living arrangements are practically mainstream, living with a long-term boyfriend means I get a lot of well-meaning but totally inappropriate questions and comments.
May 13th, 2006 @ 12:49 pm
After two divorces that cost more then the two weddings itself, I view living with my current boyfriend a very cost-effective alternative!!! But seriously, I did both weddings on a budget and if I’m ever foolish enough to marry again, will do another budget wedding. It all boils down to what is most important to you. Then you go from there. The article stated it rather well.
May 15th, 2006 @ 3:09 pm
My husband and I got married on our 6 year anniversary living together. Since we are in the midlife age, this is rare. This was a 2nd for both of us and we didn’t feel like we would be given another chance to mess up.
My point is friends of ours in similar situations rushed in and are now apart or having difficulties. We are not. People harassed us all the time…all I can say is …it is their problem not yours.
May 15th, 2006 @ 3:45 pm
Mr. Savvy and I bowed to pressure and got married last summer after almost three years of living together. Neither of us had a problem with our previous living arrangement, but other people did.
In the end, since we knew we would eventually get married to each other, we decided to make our parents happy and do it sooner rather than later. It sounds terribly un-romantic, but really we were just comfortable in and with our relationship to know that marriage or no marriage we would be a happy couple.
May 23rd, 2006 @ 5:30 pm
I hear ya…
I come from a very traditional family and a Catholic background. My husband and I lived together for two years until we got engaged. Even though my mother loved my then-boyfriend, she still thought we were “living in sin”. She had a right to her opinion, but we didn’t rush into marriage just to make her happy.
Thanks for posting this article. We also planned and paid for 90% of our wedding and it turned out great. We made financial decisions about our wedding that would fit into our wedding budget to create a very special day without breaking the bank.
It simply is not necessary to go into debt to have your perfect wedding. There are ways to celebrate your love within a limited budget.
Great blog! I’ll post a link to the article on WeddingChicago.com.
Alison