Contemplating Next Steps
Posted on December 30, 2005 21 Comments
As I mentioned before, Brian is preparing to sumit applications to law schools. Soon to be 30 with an undergrad degree in Business Management and 8 years of work experience behind him, he just finished taking the LSAT for a second time. He did quite well this round; we hope it’s enough for him to get accepted somewhere in time for the Fall 2006 semester.
Being supportive of a partner’s career change is trying, to say the least. Law school is a long, arduous journey and will in no way be a pleasurable experience for either of us. I was reading about application essays today and can’t believe how competitive the admissions process can be. First, applicants have to prove their mettle on the crazy test, then they must write a glorious entrance essay to trump everything they’ve done in the past. The process also involves getting letters of recommendation, which probably come easier to 21-year olds who’ve spent the last four years sequestered under pre-law professors’ watchful eyes (sorry about that dig, 21-year old readers. I know you’re working hard and are very frightened about what the future holds and I didn’t mean to insult you, just to imply that you’ll probably have a better time asking for recommendation letters). The point is, law school admissions are super stressful.
On top of the where, also have to worry about financial matters, the how, since every joint decision we make is colored by money. To apply to 5 or 10 schools is a difference of $250 – a lot, given that Brian’s only holding temp jobs right now at $10-$12 per hour and still has to pay rent and bills.
We’re expecting Brian to compile between $80,000 and $90,000 in loans during the next three to four years, on top of the undergrad loans he’s still paying off. He won’t be able to work while attending law school, so while we hope he’ll get some increased assistance (work-study programs, grants, etc.) during his second year to lessen the burden, we know he may have to take out more to help him live during the process. Luckily, he’s up to the task of budgeting.
What does all this mean for me? His girlfriend, his partner, his roommate, his supporter? Well, financially, I’ve got to work towards my own goals. I can’t afford to sacrifice my savings to help him lessen his loans. We don’t share money. I’ve still got to keep filtering funds to my savings and retirement accounts. We’re not married, after all, so it’s simply not smart for me to take over his payments or hope to survive on my income alone while he’s in school.
We may have to get a smaller, one-bedroom apartment to save money on rent – but I get very frustrated when he announces that we’ll have to cut the cable and keep the heat and air conditioning down to accomodate his budget. I can’t help but feel that for the first time in my life I’m doing OK financially, and I can’t enjoy any of it. But we manage, and we love each other, and we’ve been though a lot worse over the past six and a half years. You know the saying about challenges making individuals stronger, blah, blah, blah.
I’m all over the place here. This turned out to be more stream of conscious than an actually essay or post with a point. As the title implies, I’m contemplating my next steps, which is just a fancy way of saying that I’m posting word vomit today. Hopefully some of you can sympathize with the changes a-coming!
Category: Old Posts
Comments
21 Responses to “Contemplating Next Steps”
Leave a Reply
December 31st, 2005 @ 7:10 pm
I think your thinking is very smart. I’ve heard many a sad story of unmarried’s supporting the other only for it to end in tears.
Good-luck!
January 1st, 2006 @ 3:39 am
If you want cable and he doesn’t, get the cable and pay for it yourself. Don’t do it for living expenses and other things that you currently “share” but this way you can still enjoy the things you want.
January 2nd, 2006 @ 2:42 am
We’re dealing with many of the same things as you are. In situations like this, you have a stick together and be positive!
I lived with a guy going to law school when I was in grad school — he spent most of his days studying, but his nights partying! Getting in seems to be the hardest part.
January 2nd, 2006 @ 8:02 am
I wonder what keeps a couple from being married after 6 years. I’m sure you both have your reasons, and they’re probably personal, so I’m not really pring, more rhetorical than anything.
I agree with anonymous, if you want cable and you can afford it, you should have it, but it is your expense (you’d have to pay for it if you were by yourself, right?).
Concerning the apartment, I loathe moving. Consider going through the process of finding an apartment that meets his budget requirements. If you want to stay where you’re at and are willing to pay the difference, then you should stay at your cost of the difference between the two apartments. If you aren’t sharing bills, and you aren’t supporting each other, you’re still paying for what each of you want. Everything’s negotiable.
Now, I kind of think that in some ways, his forced frugality may benefit you if you shared the circumstances. It would be a good opportunity for you to invest whatever you’re saving through the reduced spending. That would be a good little bundle that you could use towards something spectacular once he starts raking in the dough from being a lawyer
January 2nd, 2006 @ 4:11 pm
I have a couple of comments. First of all, regarding marriage, my boyfriend and I both went through law school, he went first, then I did–before we were married. We married during my last year of law school. But we shared expenses, and that helped a lot. We had no doubt that we wanted to be together, so it was a no-brainer. But do as you wish.
This is the more important comment. My greatest piece of advice for your S.O. is that he go to a state school (in-state). Unless he is going to Harvard or Yale, it doesn’t really matter where he goes to law school; as long as he does well, he will get a good job. Instead of going to a really great state school, I went across the country to go to a private school, which wasn’t even ranked as high as the state school but had a “specialty” that interested me. Boy do I regret that decision. I am now 141,000 in school loan debt. I’m not kidding. (and this doesn’t count credit card debt). My undergrad loans were only 20,000. Had I gone to the state school, I would have incurred only about 30,000-40,000 dollars more. That would make a huge difference since I have chosen a path of non-profit work (read low salary). I know now that even though I went to a school with a good reputation in the field in which I am working, I would have had the same job had I went to the state school, and I would be a much happier person.
January 2nd, 2006 @ 6:22 pm
Thanks for the comments! Great advice this week. I love to hear from others who had S.O.s going through law school (or who went through themselves).
January 2nd, 2006 @ 7:13 pm
I just finished up my first semester of law school. I’ll be honest with you, it’s rough – but not as rough as many make it out to be. Both of you will be fine so long as he manages his time well.
Just fair warning, the first month or so of law school is by far the worst. It’ll be like he’s learning a new language, which can be frustrating for him and you! I’m not saying you should give him a free pass for those few weeks, but understand that it’ll get better. After a while, what took him hours to understand and gather from a case will only take a few minutes. Once he reaches that point, and he will, everything gets a lot easier.
I wish you both the best!
January 2nd, 2006 @ 9:19 pm
I don’t have any wonderful advice for you, but thought I’d wish you both luck. Life can be tough, but remember that we rarely appreciate things that come easy.
January 3rd, 2006 @ 12:27 am
Words from an “elder”. I married a man who followed his dream and changed careers. I am now a single mom working hard to provide a safe future after a financial DISASTER. Make sure you don’t marry until he gets settled in his new path. If for some reason it doesn’t work out together, you are not carrying the majority of debt he incurs. (The split is based on your % of income vs his – I got 70% of the debt, but not because I created it). No reason to rush the wedding, if children aren’t involved. You are smart, but be carful not to become the provider because you can afford to.
January 3rd, 2006 @ 2:56 am
I have to agree with anonymous… don’t get married until you are both settled into your careers. I got the shaft on that as well. Put him through school after I was done and then the marriage ended. I am financially better off now but sure would have liked to reap the benefits of an educated dual income.
I also agree with the cable issue. If you take away everything you enjoy you are going to resent being on a budget. Settle for the basic or expanded basic and pay for it yourself. Consider it your reward for cutting corners in everything else for the next several years.
Good Luck..
January 3rd, 2006 @ 3:50 am
I came upon your blog via a mention on My Yahoo! I’m a lawyer and have mentored many people applying to law school from college or as a career transition. Sounds like you are off to a great start. If you have any questions about law school or career options for law school grads, I would be happy to chat. Best regards, vincentpeppe@comcast.net
January 3rd, 2006 @ 4:23 am
You are NOT The Only one I ‘m just going for my associates Degree in Computer Network Systems Program This Just TECH School Right now, I owe Around 38To 39Gram Financial Student Loan I expect I owe When I’m done around 43 to 44Gram. I ‘m not getting any help.I ‘m NOT employed anywhere
That other reason I temporary
withdrawal No Income ONLY PUBLIC assistance. ( For myself $148 Food Stamps General assistance$140 I get rental assistanceIt goes directly to LANLORD) And Six Dollars a day for gas. What’s that with these days High priced Gas 45 miles one way from home is VERY expensive I will go back in March Hopefully Employed somewhere at night.Cause driving at night that far is too much for me. I Have the strong NEED to work. I can be inventory control, Material handler And a stocker Pray for me As well.
January 3rd, 2006 @ 5:18 am
Wow, and I thought my life sucks.
January 3rd, 2006 @ 1:20 pm
1. Marriage should be based on your love and commmitment to each other, so do it when the time and the SO are right.
2. Life is about sacrifice. Respecting and supporting the one you love will be rewarding if you look at is as not “losing” something, but gaining a wonderful relationship. Be smart, but you can’t always think from a pure economic standpoint. There are also a lot of “rights” you have to future income as a spouse (not girlfriend) if you so support him through school. Talk to a divorce attorney so you are clear about the laws in your state.
2. I solely supported my husband through Grad school, we took on only about 30,000 in debt and completely paid it off within one year. My hubby now has a succesfull career. I am able to stay home with my kids(my personal choice), play tennis, volunteer in the community, and have a wonderful, fulfilling life. I have countless friends in the same situation, all former professionals, married through Grad school. The best investment I ever made was beleiving in my husband AND our relationship.
There are a lot of happy endings too. Hope yours is one of them!!
January 3rd, 2006 @ 4:19 pm
My husband has just been accepted to law school in fall ’06. We went through 3 rejections and 3 waitlists last year so hearing his good news so early was wonderful for us (especially as he was awarded 100% tuition scholarship)
I finished law school (and a joint degree of MPA) 1 year ago. I used my loan money to purchase a small condo in a growing area. I had about a 30 minute drive to school each morning (which I sometimes used to listen to class tapes), but after 3 years I sold it at a 25% profit. I was able to put that toward my school debt which is a chunk. Perhaps your boyfriend might consider that option. There are no guidelines on how you chose to spend the funds given to you for housing.
Good luck,
neotamara
January 3rd, 2006 @ 5:27 pm
i’m glad that is you and not me. I can’t imagine that kind of commitment WOW!! Your life will be put on hold while he gets through law school if thats what you want go for it.
Amazed!
January 3rd, 2006 @ 7:42 pm
My SO just finished his first quarter of grad school at a top ranked school in Chicago (yes, I’m near you). We don’t live together, but have been faithfully together for seven years.
I think you are wise to keep the expenses separate, and maybe even consider that going into the marriage (or at the very least discuss a prenup to cover yourself in the event things go bad and there is still a huge amount of grad school debt).
Getting into law school will be tough for both of you, but the first year will be even more trying. Keep your head up and remember what the end goal is – for your SO to better his career ultimately bettering both of your lives.
It’s all going to be about communication and comprise as you both venture down the grad/law school road!
January 4th, 2006 @ 4:31 pm
I am a 3rd year law student in Chicago but I attend part-time and have a full-time job. That is also an option for your SO and the only drawback is the long hours. As a full-time student, your SO should be able to work up to 20 hours per week which could help fund part of his expenses. I am not going to tell you that it is easy to be with someone in law school. My boyfriend can tell you first hand how difficult my first year was, but happiness and stability is very important. If your SO would be happy with a law career, then why not support him? On the stability side, a law degree opens your SO to a lot of career options instead of being stuck in to one particular sector. One more thing, once the personal statement is complete, the application process is a breeze. =)
Best wishes!!!
January 4th, 2006 @ 10:55 pm
I, too, am an attorney, and I agree 110% with the poster who advised that your SO seriously consider going to the school that would result in the least debt. I did not go to my first choice school because they did not offer me a full-tuition scholarship, but my “safety” school, which was a regional private university, did, so off to the safety school I went. I have never regretted this decision. I have the exact job I wanted, and I am not crippled with the six-figure debt that many of my colleagues are.
Again, as the other poster noted, the high debt severely limits your choices. I cannot emphasize this enough, especially in light of the fact that many of the attorneys I know have taken “alternative” career paths, such as judicial law clerk or staff attorney, as well as non-partnership tracks at law firms. Other people I know do not have this choice due to the high amount of debt that they incurred to get that private-school degree.
Know, too, that the first semester of law school is hellatious if for no other reason than you have virtually no grades-most law school classes have no grades other a final exam. I found this fact alone to be extremely stressful, especially when everyone kept telling me that grades and class ranking were so important to future employability, and I had no idea how I was doing.
One more last point: there is a chance that he might be able to work somewhat. I held summer clerkships with big firms in the summers between my first-second and second-third years of law school, and they paid quite well. I also was able to work as a clerk in the in-house legal dept of a large corporation during my third year.
Good luck to both of you. FWIW, I graduated in ’98, and I am glad that I did it. My then-boyfriend, now-husband was fantastic throught the ordeal, and I could not have done it w/out his moral support. Given that I make the larger income, he’s now glad that I did it, too.
January 4th, 2006 @ 11:06 pm
I have to disagree with rewatch who said “life is about sacrifice”. If you live your life where you think that it’s about sacrifice, then you’re living your life like you’re giving something up, and that’s no way to live.
Wealth Today
March 6th, 2010 @ 5:52 am
This is a great post. I just had one of the ‘Doh!’ moments and ran back to correct my own site before publishing my comment. You see my own comment form did not match what I’m about to advice. I get less comment than you, so never noticed any problem. I’ve changed it now anyway so here goes.
study abroad