A Fifty Cent Fight
Posted on July 23, 2005 11 Comments
Relationships are fragile and should be handled with care. Take Natalia, a fearless, fabulous friend testing the dating waters in sunny San Francisco. Recently, she was chatting with a cute new guy while preparing a small dinner party. When he asked what she was up to, she shouted into the phone, “Cooking…(pause)…COOKING WITH GAS!”
This line was followed by a long, awkward pause.
Cute new guy never called back. Natalia has no idea why she uttered the phrase, nor why her voice inflected at that particular moment. I think she’s better off without him, anyway.
Older relationships, too, can be fragile. Disagreements about money can cause the strongest of couples to crumble. Or, in my place, to completely freak out over 50 cents.
Brian and I were renting movies at Blockbuster a few weeks ago (using gift cards, of course), when he picked up two Cokes. I did not particularly want a Coke, but there was some deal, so he got two. When we got to the cashier, our total came to 50 cents. I asked Brian for the change (for his two Cokes), but he didn’t have any on him. Annoyed, I picked up the difference and we left.
Outside, my blood started to boil – Brian never said thank you for the fifty cents for the two Cokes that I did not particularly want in the first place. At this point, I should tell you that we spot each other cash on a pretty regular basis – everything evens out in the end and we share most things anyway. Looking back, I have no idea what set me off.
All I can tell you is that an hour later, I was in tears crazily ranting about how he should have thanked me AND how I want a wedding and children someday. WHAT??? Where did that come from? I have NO IDEA! I just kept saying something about how I didn’t need these things RIGHT NOW, but I needed to know that we were moving in that direction and after six years I deserve that affirmation, damn it!
Because I never mentioned marriage/children/pre-planned timelines quite so dramatically before, Brian thought we were pretty simpatico up until the Coke incident. He was right – I don’t think often about weddings and children, so the outbursts bewilders me even more. It’s not like I sit around longingly on a daily basis wondering why we’re not married. The fifty cent arguement was an anomoly which I attribute to hormones and stress. And Coke, of course.
I know I’m not the lone outburst queen in the room here. Money problems can effect the strongest of relationships. Good communication and financial transparency can help. But in my incident, so would a couple of extra hours of sleep!
By the way, we loved “Finding Neverland” and “In Good Company.” I did not drink the second Coke.
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11 Responses to “A Fifty Cent Fight”
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July 24th, 2005 @ 1:16 am
That’s a funny story and yes, I have the occasional poorly timed outburst as well. You have to ask yourself what’s more important though? Your relationship or 50 cents. A $5000 or $500 or even $50 might be cause for a heart to heart but you have to pick & choose your battles.
July 24th, 2005 @ 4:49 am
LMAO – I cracked up as I read this, because it easily could have been myself and my bf in this storyline. After becoming so interested in money (i.e. how to save it, pay off bills and not waste anything left over), I have had to learn that there is a fine line and I shouldn’t freak over every little thing. However, hormones sometimes do not care what my brain plans out…and my poor bf gets the brunt of it! But I love him even more for dealing with it
Thanks for the story!
July 24th, 2005 @ 2:20 pm
that story totally could have been about fiance and I. Something else was likely bothering you or making you stressed and Brian and his 50 cents of soda took the brunt of it. Sometimes I wonder how guys can put up with us… but then I look at all the stupid guy stuff that we have to deal with and like you said, it all evens out in the end…
July 24th, 2005 @ 2:21 pm
btw… Memoirs of a Geisha was an incredible book. I read it every moment I had and I was so sad when I finished it. Thanks for the recommendation!
erin
July 24th, 2005 @ 2:53 pm
hilarious and true…
my wife and I have been married for 15 years. we still have the same issues.
My counsellor calls it having control issues.
It’s not the 50¢, it’s the control over the 50¢, or lack of respect thereof.
Financial Maturity Blog
July 25th, 2005 @ 3:34 am
Maybe in the back of your mind you’re upset with the fact that you are basically a married couple without actually being married. Maybe Brian didn’t say thanks because he feels that what’s yours is his and vice versa. Anyway, it’s a funny story.
JLP
AllThingsFinancial
July 25th, 2005 @ 1:13 pm
Money is one of the most difficult topics in a relationship (marriage or any other stable relationship).
I have some ideas on money management in such long term relationships reflected in an article linked below.
Whatever you do, try to minimize the impact money has in the relationship by: setting clear expectations, talking a lot about money (so there are few misunderstandings), and keeping clear what belongs to who.
Marriage is about finantial support to each other. Love is about caring for the other person. Don’t mix them up on your mind.
His, Hers and Ours article on – Money and Investing
July 25th, 2005 @ 5:18 pm
I enjoyed your story. I also enjoyed everyone’s comments. It cracks me up that the men here are willing to solve your problems, where as the women seem to offer support, and then that I am also here analysing their comments. Perhaps there is something to psychology.
Anyway, keep up the good work, and I continue to wish you the best in your endevours.
Thejester
July 26th, 2005 @ 4:19 am
You guys are so great! I have the most supportive, insightful readers in the world – offer both guidance and empathy. Who needs anything else!???
July 26th, 2005 @ 9:01 am
…how about fifty cents?
i think by now you’ve gathered that you are not alone. it’s funny how people never like to talk about money (in public) but it factors in anyways.
ok my shrewd analysis time:
maybe you knew that if you were married, that would all be a non-issue. i remember fighting over checks up until marriage. then it was like “hey, i wanna use my credit card cause i almost have enough miles for another free ticket”
August 12th, 2005 @ 3:48 pm
thats a prime example of how women are emotionally driven