Gifting

Posted on June 1, 2005 21 Comments

As months get warmer in Chicago, skies clear, flowers bloom and weddings abound. I’ve already dwelled a bit on the high cost of getting married (which averages about $26K in the U.S.), but how many of us think about costs associated with attending a wedding?

According to the latest issue of Money magazine, “the typical wedding with three or four related events can cost a guest $500, a groomsman $700, and a bridesmaid $1,400 (Jeanne Sahadi quoting Rosie Amodio from The Knot).

We recently had to skip a wedding invitation for one of Brian’s good friends in Connecticut because of the costs associated with travel (Brian’s still out of work). Luckily, guys seem less likely than certain Bridezillas to swear off a friendship based wedding attendance. To that end, we’ll be sending a card, while the group of guys in Chicago considers flying the groom to the midwest for a late bachelor party – a fantastic idea that will save everybody some cash.

All that being said, I still love weddings – love seeing all my friends and family formally dressed, looking happy, beautiful and relaxed. Love seeing new couples say “I do” (I cry every time). Love the reception. Love the electric slide, bad wine, glowing cumberbuns and cookey videographers (“Tell us why you love the couple!”).

Here are some tips from recent articles to help you manage the wedding season:

Wedding gifts needn’t tie bank account in a knot
By Gregory Karp of The Morning Call

The June wedding season is upon us, and for all the joy that the nuptials bring, it can be a troubling time for wedding guests who can’t afford lavish gifts.

The average wedding gift costs $85, according to the Association of Bridal Consultants. That can be especially significant if you already shelled out for engagement gifts, shower gifts and travel and lodging to get to the wedding.

First, don’t consider the wedding invitation an invoice for an expensive gift. Instead, base the gift’s value on what you can afford and how well you know the couple. Presumably, you were invited to share in the couple’s big day, not for how much you can add to the largess.

The trick is to focus on giving a present the couple will appreciate without spending a bundle. At the same time, you want to adhere to gift-giving etiquette so you don’t offend anyone.

Consider the following tips, many provided by Carley Roney, editor in chief of wedding Web site TheKnot.com.

– Avoid cash. Many couples appreciate gifts of money. It can defray the cost of the wedding or honeymoon, or contribute to a down payment on a house. But if you give cash, there’s no way to hide the fact that you’re trying to be frugal.

– Use the registry. “If you buy off people’s registry, they don’t think about whether you spent as much money because you bought them something they wanted,” Roney said. “If you cheap out and it was your own idea, then they’ll notice.”

Resist the temptation to buy a registry gift elsewhere for less money. “That really messes things up for the couple because they will probably get a second version of that thing,” Roney said. “The duplicate stands out, and the couple would notice.”

– Buy small. When buying off the registry, buy several small, inexpensive gifts. Frequently, guests don’t choose to buy the small items, such as kitchen gadgets, even though the couple wants them.

– Top it off. Consider a relatively inexpensive gift, then jazz it up. “Say you’re going to buy them a pasta pot, which only costs $30,” Roney said. “Go buy three packs of gourmet pasta and package it with the pot. All of a sudden, it looks like this incredibly fancy gift. And you had to spend an extra $10 or $15 on fancy pasta but it suddenly makes your gift look like it’s worth a million bucks.”

Similarly, if you buy six inexpensive wine glasses off the registry, add an accompaniment. “Send it with a great bottle of wine for $20 and it looks like you spent $150, when you really only spent $70.”

– Think heft. It may seem silly, but heavier gifts actually seem more costly. “Kitchen appliances are always great gifts because they feel very weighty even though they’re sometimes not expensive,” Roney said. “A hand blender is only $35, but it’s a great gift to buy because it comes in a big box and has a lot of presence. You get a lot of bang for your buck.”

– Buddy up. Coordinate with other guests to pool money and buy an expensive item on the registry, something the couple doesn’t really expect to get. “Say there’s a $350 espresso maker, buy it from a group of you,” Roney said. “The couple will be so happy they got that really pricey item on their registry, they won’t care it came from multiple guests.

People don’t consider that cheaping out. It’s a way to reduce your exposure but still get them something they really wanted.”

– Get personal. If you know the couple well, assemble an inexpensive gift you know will be meaningful or especially useful. Just be certain it doesn’t duplicate something on the registry. Buy gifts associated with their hobbies, whether camping, gardening or listening to country music. Or sign them up for a local wine-tasting class, if that’s what they enjoy.

– Save on shipping. When buying a gift from an online registry, have it shipped directly to the couple, rather than to yourself. If you take delivery, you’ll just have to repackage it and forward it to the bride and groom.

Gregory Karp is a personal finance writer for The Morning Call, Allentown, Pa., a Tribune Co. newspaper.
# # #

You can’t buy friends, but they’re not exactly free either.
By Jeanne Sahadi, MONEY Magazine

NEW YORK (MONEY Magazine) – If you had a few thousand dollars to spare, you probably wouldn’t choose to spend it buying housewares for friends, buying clothes you despise or throwing parties that celebrate other people’s love and good fortune.

But if you’re between college graduation and a mid-life crisis, that’s probably what you’re doing, as invitations pour in for weddings, bridal showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners and other festivities related to the upcoming marriages of friends and family.

Of course, weddings aren’t the only social expenses in life. Today’s nuptials will become tomorrow’s baby showers. Then before too long, you’ll be attending 40th-birthday blowouts, 25th-anniversary bashes and retirement parties, and spending a small fortune on gifts, clothes and travel in the process.

Celebrating friends and family is one of life’s great pleasures. But how can you meet your social obligations without emptying your wallet or filling up the plastic? Try these strategies.

Learn to say no selectively
The typical wedding with three or four related events can cost a guest $500, a groomsman $700, and a bridesmaid $1,400, estimates Rosie Amodio, executive editor of The Knot. If you attend a few weddings a year, that could add up to several thousand dollars, a lot for anyone, let alone someone just starting out in life.

So you need to perform social triage — that is, figure out when to say no. Weigh the cost and your financial resources against your desire and obligation to attend. You obviously can’t turn down your brother or your best friend or, probably, your boss. But a former college pal you rarely speak to who lives across the country may merit a pass.

Nor do you have to attend every event of every wedding you’re invited to — perhaps you skip the bridal shower or the bachelor or bachelorette party and just go to the wedding. As for pricey destination weddings, no one should feel these are a social must, unless you are related to the couple. If you do say yes, try to make a vacation of it. Budgetwise, that’s two birds with one buck. s

To say no gracefully, you can rely on the phantom previous commitment. Or you might say, “I want to be as much a part of this as I can, but I think I’ll only be able to attend the wedding,” Amodio suggests.

Get creative with gifts
Many people think you should buy a gift equal in value to what your hosts spend on you as a guest. Not so, says Rosanna McCullough of TheWeddingChannel.com.

On average, guests spend $75 to $85 for a gift, more for close friends or family. Your relationship to the couple and your financial situation should determine how much you spend. If you’re a recent grad eye-high in debt, a gift worth $50 or less is fine since it’s understood you’re not flush.

But you still can give a great gift. If you’re not inclined to buy the saucer sans cup from a $400 place setting, give a gift card where the couple is registered, Amodio advises. If you’re handy, offer them your services (say, to paint a room). Or give them a memory, like paying for a honeymoon breakfast in bed. And don’t forget the glories of the group gift: one really big gift with your name attached, for a fraction of the cost.

That way, you’re still supporting your friends’ happiness but will have some money left to fund your own. Think of the possibilities: You could pay down debt, save for a new home, maybe even buy your own stemware.

# # #

While we’re on weddings, check out this new site from creaters of The Knot:
www.thenest.com

The site provides actual relationship advice (including budgeting information), instead of just focusing on the wedding. Nice!

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I'm a working girl on a budget. Follow my journey from chronic overspender to power saver!

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